LAMC

(dialtone, touch-tone dialing, ring, ring)

Thank you for calling the Los Angeles Municipal Court.
This is an automated system that can handle most inquiries.
If after using this system, your question is not answered,
please, stay on the line
and a representative will be with you shortly.

If you are calling from a touch-tone phone, please press 1.
If you are calling from a cellular phone, please press 2.
If you are calling from a pay phone, please press 3.
If you are calling from a car phone, please press 4.
If you are calling from a secret-spy phone, please press 5.
If you are calling from a princess, phone, please press 6
If you are calling from a car fax, please press 7.
and If you are calling from a rotary phone, please, stay on the line

Make your selection at any time.

(touch-tone 1)

Make your selection at any time.

(three touch-tone 1's)

For information in English, please press 1.
For information in Spanish, please press 2.
For information in Japanese, please press 3.
For information in Chinese, please press 4.
For information in Dutch, please press 5.
For information in Latvian, please press 6.
For information in French, please press 7.
For information in Yiddish, please press 8.
For information in Ig-pay Atin-lay, lease-pay ress-pay ine-nay.

(touch-tone 1)

If you are responding to a notice from the City Attorney's office, press 3.
To check the amount due on a parking ticket, press 4.
If you believe you are ticketed in error because your disabled person
placard or your preferential parking permit was clearly displayed, or
your vehicle is disabled, press 5.
For all other traffic related matters, press 6.

(long touch-tone 6)

Please make a selection at any time.

(three touch-tone 6's)

For traffic school information, press 1.
For payment inormation, press 2.
For court locations, press 3.
For general ticket and warrant information, press 4.
For court appearance and bail information, press 5.
For traffic court appointment information, press 6.

(four touch-tone 6's)

If you need to make a traffic court appointment, please press 1,
unless you have not filled out a DD form 3018, in which case,
please press 2. To receive a blank DD form 3018, please come
down to the Los Angeles Municipal Court building during normal
business hours. If you have filled out DD form 3018, but have
not reported to the City Attorney's office, please press 3.

If you are not receiving physical therapy but have a relative that
voted 'no' on Proposition 187 * and have collected a notarized waiver
from said relative, and have attached said waiver in triplicate to
said form, please press 4, unless of course, said relative is not
a naturalized citizen, in which case, please press 5.

If you are receiving physical therapy from a naturalized citizen but
have not voted 'yes' or 'no' on Proposition 187 and have not reported
to the City Attorney, but have filled out form DD 3018, please
press 6.

Of course, if you have not had your eyes tested by your local
Department of Motor Vehicles in the last three years, in which case
press 7. If you have had your eyes tested AND voted 'yes' on
Proposition 187, and have your DD form 3018 filled out and
have already reported to the City Attorney but have never been called
in for jury duty, press 8.

(touch-tone entry)

Make your selection at any time.

(here begins the touch-tone frenzy)

Make your selection at any time.

The system is waiting for a touch tone entry.
The system is waiting for a touch tone entry.

There is a possibility that you have made an error in
selecting your message. Please try again.

The system is waiting for a touch tone entry.

There is a possibility that you have made an error in
selecting your message. Please try again.

I'm sorry, but we are unable to interpret your request.
Please call back during normal business hours.

(CLICK ... sound of dialing)

Thank you for calling the Los Angeles Municipal Court.
This is an automated system that can handle most inquiries.
If after using this system, your question is not answered,
please, stay on the line
and a representative will be with you shortly.

(fades out on)
If you are calling from a touch-tone phone, please press 1.
If you are calling from a cellular phone, please press 2.


-- by Tool

* Proposition 187 was a Californian measure put to the voters, aimed at preventing illegal immigrants from obtaining welfare and other social benefits. Californians voted yes to it in 1994, although its enforceability and legality in the US appear to be under question.

lyrics from toolshed.down.net.